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The Business of Being Seen

The term slay queen gets thrown around a lot, especially in South Africa. It usually refers to women who cultivate glamorous online personas centred on luxury, beauty, and status. The label is almost always used as an insult. The image that comes to mind is someone who is materialistic, obsessed with appearances, and willing to do almost anything for attention and money. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if that description misses what is actually going on. When I lived in Johannesburg, I often went out in Sandton, where I would regularly see women who fit this image. They always looked impeccably put together, dressed in designer brands, taking photos throughout the night, and moving confidently through spaces associated with wealth and status. At first, it was easy to dismiss it as vanity. But after a while, I started wondering whether I was looking at something more than people simply showing off. Slay queens seem to exist in a different kind of economy, one where at...
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Korean Dating Culture According to Someone Who Fist-Bumped Her "Date"

  I kind of feel like a fraud writing about dating in Korea when I haven’t actually actively participated in it yet. But the fact that I’ve observed it closely and chatted with a few locals should count for something… right? I hope so, because I would hate to be a fraud.   That said, I did go out for Korean BBQ and somaek (soju mixed with beer) with a Korean guy. But I don’t think it qualifies as a date, mainly because I fist-bumped him at the end of the night. (I’m awkward, I know). The conversation also wasn’t romantic at all, and I didn’t view it as a date either. In my head, it was more like: I need local friends, and he seems nice enough.   We were introduced by a mutual friend, which brings me to something interesting about dating in Korea.   Here, romantic partners don’t always meet in the “traditional” way where a guy approaches a woman and clearly makes his interest known. Very often, two people are set up by a mutual friend, just like me and Mr....
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Things I never did until I moved to Korea

As expected, moving to a new country comes with having to make adjustments- both big and small. Some of those adjustments can be good for you, while others are just ways of adapting to make your new life easier or simply because you have to. From the way I greet people to how I take out the trash, here are the habits that have quietly become part of my everyday life.     1. Bowing Bowing is considered an expression of respect, politeness, and acknowledgment of a social hierarchy in Korea. It’s used when greeting someone older or of higher status, when saying thank you, or even just in passing as a polite gesture. The deeper the bow, the deeper the respect. As a way of showing respect for Korean culture, I’ve started engaging in bowing too. At first, it felt a bit awkward. I’d find myself wondering how deep I should bow or if I was doing it at the right time. But now, it’s second nature. I find myself bowing to everyone: my delivery drivers, my neighbours, and even...
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Bananas, Bread & BBQ: My food adventures in Korea

I’ve always had a weird relationship with food. For me, eating has always been more about routine rather than adventure, so I don’t explore much with food. I keep it simple, so simple that I can order from the kids’ menu. Fine dining? Definitely not for me On one of my first weekends in Korea, I decided to try Korean BBQ (KBBQ). My TikTok had been flooded with videos of it, and it actually looked appealing, even for someone like me. I thought, “Well, this isn’t very different from a braai- tjoppies op die kole.” To my surprise, it was very different. From cutting the meat into small pieces with scissors to the endless sides that came with it, the experience was unique. I indulged and embraced it, but let’s just say my stomach didn’t. Later that evening, I paid the price. Safe to say, my stomach needed some time to adjust to Korean flavours. Since then, I haven’t explored too much more with local cuisine. For me, Korean food is definitely an acquired taste. One thing you notice quickl...
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My casual observations on how people dress in Korea

Dressing in Korea is its own language, and as a foreigner, I’ve been learning it one outfit at a time. Here are some of my honest, slightly chaotic observations about how people dress here. And how I’ve had to adjust. As a free-the-tits girly, I’ve had to learn to wear a bra in Korea. Back home, if I wasn’t at work, church, or somewhere formal, I wouldn’t bother. I’d often go out with my nipples showing through my shirt. Sometimes people would look at me, but it didn’t feel weird, probably because I felt comfortable enough, or because the people around me looked like me. Plus, freeing-the-tits was becoming more popular. But in Korea, seeing nipples through a shirt is basically unheard of. Since I already look very different from most people around me (physically), I figured I didn’t need any extra attention. So, wearing a bra felt like the easier option. I don’t need people staring at me because of my tits peeking through my top. Koreans dress modestly, but of course there are exceptio...
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Gold-diggers

Contrary to popular belief, there’s nothing noble about dating a stingy man. We have previously been socialized to think that enduring hardships and making sacrifices (including your own needs & wants) as a woman is the way to go, because it was what earned you respect in communities. This is evident in the relationships of our grandparents and even our parents. And I think most of us can attest that majority of those relationships have underlying issues.   There is a popular perception that wealthy men are dangerous to be with. In two ways: they are more likely to abuse you or are more likely to cheat. And while that may be the case in some people’s relationships, I think that a less wealthy man can also be abusive, cheating and even controlling. What I am trying to say is that all men are capable of harm. I think people should be able to date whoever they want to, as long as it is safe for them, and they are happy.   As I’ve previously written in one of my othe...
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Gift-giving

Gift-giving Every Christmas, birthday, anniversary or any other special occasion we carefully choose and offer gifts to our loved ones. Most times its something that we do naturally and often forget about the deeper meanings and implications that comes with it. A gift is defined as something material or immaterial, voluntarily given to a person or group. But as much as it is voluntarily, and given without the expectation of recompense, we (or at least I) often get that niggling sense of obligation to return the gesture. Gifting is a practice that has been with us since the beginning of human civilization but seems to be at a heightened peak these days. It plays a significant role in social interactions as it offers a meaningful way for people to foster bonds and relationships. As such, a lot of planning and thought goes into it.   In the aspect of gifts being used to build or foster relationships, it goes without saying that it requires some form of reciprocation. The gift ...
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