The irony of trusting men

 

The irony of trusting men.

Women of all ages and races are being killed, raped and/or sexually assaulted every minute of every day, at the hands of men. These women are our mothers, our sisters, our girlfriends. They are us. We are them.

We are living in fear. Our fears have evolved from being afraid of the dark as little girls, to being afraid of our fellow men. This is the reality for women. And for some reason this reality resonates with me now more than ever. Was I oblivious to it all before? Did I not realize the gravity of the situation? Probably, but that is a cup of tea for another day.

Women, especially young women, must think twice before doing daily errands - does the Uyinene post office story come to mind? Don’t even think about going to the gym alone at night. Too often we are told to be careful. It has reached the point where we have to carry pepper spray as you would carry your keys.  We have to change our daily routines to avoid being in the spot. As someone who thrives when sticking to a routine, I find this to be restrictive and inconvenient. But hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, to stay alive.

The irony of it all is that we are told to “always walk with a man” to keep us safe. Ha! Is it not men who we are trying to protect ourselves from?

Mobile apps are developed to help families keep track of their loved ones, in the unfortunate (but likely) event that they go missing. I now have to take my phone everywhere I go, so that my mother can know where I am at all times. It’s supposed to be for my safety, but at the same time I am scared of being robbed of my phone. Where is my agency and privacy in all of this? I feel like I am constantly being violated. But I guess your mom knowing your every move is a “better” violation than having a man try to force his genitalia inside you. 

On top of that, women are told to dress “appropriately”, never to go anywhere alone, to watch our drinks at clubs. Why are women’s actions being restricted and monitored? Should we not shift the focus to men? Too often, society puts the blame on women, and that is why that girl in the club feels that it is her fault that her drink was spiked and that she woke up naked in an unknown place the next morning.

If men today can assault women or take sex from a 3-year old, then why did my mother (and society) teach me from a young age to save my virginity for my husband? Why must we, as women, always live to satisfy and accommodate men? Women’s actions have been and continue to be monitored and through this we are involuntarily submitting to larger structures of power.

When I read something online that said that we only have 3 months to save the Earth, my immediate thought was: What can we do to ensure that we have more time on earth? But I kind of also thought: At least the end of the world would put an end to this harsh reality women face. An end to living in fear and constantly suffering at the hands of men. Maybe falling victim to Mother Nature would be more pleasant than falling victim to a cowardly man.