Marriage and the perfect age for it

Marriage and the perfect age for it

Marriage is the legal recognition of a union between two people and is often what people in committed relationships strive for. It symbolizes an “until death do us part” kind of love and is a chance at happily ever after that people take despite the odds being against it. As expected, a lot of thought and planning goes into marriage. You consider your significant other’s beliefs, values, and even how bad their snoring is (jokes).

It is typically normal that when people reach a certain age, family and friends start asking questions about marriage. They annoyingly emphasize the importance of getting married by putting pressure on us to start taking this step seriously. And very often they share their opinions and views on why or why not we should get married. 

While marriage is the ultimate union of two people, there are a lot of complexities that comes with it. People get married for different reasons including societal pressures, religious beliefs,and obligations only to mention a few. 

I was in conversation with a friend the other and she mentioned that she was ready to get married at the age of 19. She was ready because for her she had met “the one”, they had a baby on the way and they both stable had jobs. Their families, however thought it was the worst idea ever.

Marriage is generally associated with family: two people who create one unit and give birth to other members. So, she was halfway there, right? While marriage seemed like the best thing for them, both their families disagreed. And this disapproval stemmed from the fact that they were young and not mature enough. This is nothing new. Families tend to get involved in this matter, that is supposedly between two people.  

On that note, I was intrigued by the intricacies of marriage and posed a range of questions to people:

1. What is an “acceptable” age to get married? 

2. What does your parents/family regard as the “right” age to get married? 

3. What do you regard as the “right” age to get married? 

4. Does age have anything to do with getting married? Or

5. Do you base it on “where you are” in life?

The response was overwhelming but what stunned me was that they were repetitive. Bear in mind that the answers came from people from all walks of life, each with their own stories, mistakes and biases. So let me attempt to synthesize everyone’s wisdom to try and answer a question that has no right answer. 

Here goes…

-While there is no right time to get married there is a “not so right time” to get married. One must be mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually inclined. Having said that, not everything has to be 100% checked out. What is important is that you know how to work around the areas you lack in. 

- For another, age 26 seems like an acceptable age to get married because by then you would have had an opportunity to obtain a qualification and to start working. You would’ve also had the opportunity to know yourself and the direction in which you would wish your life to go. You would have made your young adulthood mistakes, and therefore having some form of foundation. 

-NB!! Age only has something to do with marriage when you are underage. 

-Parents have no right to put unnecessary pressure on their children to get married. In most cases, parents got married at a young age, and didn’t tick all the marriage material boxes. 

-Marriage is based on where you are in life and there is no universal timeline.

-Marriage is a choice, therefore there is no “acceptable age” or “best time” to get married. 

-Get married when you are not dependent on anyone, whether that is at the age of 23 or 40. 

-Being financially stable is only one aspect of a successful marriage. 

-Another common answer is to get married when you are a complete person. It is important to be aware of your insecurities, your emotional maturity, your biases, and your ability to be a caring and supportive partner even you feel like we want to do the complete opposite.  

-Like with almost everything else in life, one can never be fully prepared or ready. What is important is making the marriage work. 

On that note friends, I believe that marriage is a complicated chemistry between hearts, minds and souls which need understanding, patience, support and sacrifices to make it work. Marriage in my opinion is a formal thing more than a necessary one.

PS, thank you for all the responses.